More Friday Jokes

Midget Fortune Teller


Queen Fiona had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent.

They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape.

This so incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day:

"Small medium at large"







There was a midget down in Texas who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached almost all the time. As he was always complaining about his problem, his friend finally suggested that he go to a doctor to see what could be done to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice and went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough-the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching. "Gee, what did you do, Doc?" he asked. The doc replied, "I cut two inches off the tops of your cowboy boots."




A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman imediately goes to her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and proceeds to explain why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker complimenting on how your hair smells?" The woman replies."Because it's Mitch, the midget"


 
 
 
A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he's being watched by a midget.

Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range.

"Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"

Surprised-and flattered-the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.

"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them."

Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.

The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says loudly, "Okay, hand over your wallet or I'll jump!"
 
 
 
I was driving down a street the other day, not paying much attention, when I accidental dinged anouther car which had stopped at the traffic lights.
The driver came out, and he was a dwarf and peeved. He then proceeded to walk up to my car, fuming.
He then stared at me and declared "I'm not happy!"
Surprised, I raised my eyebrow and asked in retaliation "Then which one are you?"